A story of Grace

When I wrote this I was not sure if I was going to share this on my blog. It is very personal and admitting a lot of things I have probably never told anyone. I am thankful for God's grace in my life and I am overwhelmed by the way he planned out my life before I was even formed.

"God's ultimate Grace

I believe that my faith story begins long before I was born with a little girl standing in a junkyard looking for “hidden treasures”. Barefoot, dirty, and hungry she looks tirelessly through other people’s trash in hopes to find a toy to call her very own. After her a day in the junkyard she would come home to a house of chaos. There was no love there, just sadness, anger, and brokenness. For years she lived drunkenness, slothfulness, deceit, physical and verbal abuse. As the years go by, she learns how to survive in such an environment, and her life is far from ideal.

My story also includes a little boy who lived in a low-income household. This boy was constantly verbally abused. He is made to feel worthless, and unwanted. He does not know what it is like to feel loved and accepted.

Brokenness had rattled their world. Sadness, mockery and unacceptance had plagued them. But our God is bigger than all of that. He looked down from heaven and in his is love and mercy picked two broken children to bring to himself. To accept and to love just as they were. He brought them to himself by using a faithful man from a local church doing the bus ministry. Every Sunday he would go and pick up the kids that other mocked. He took them to church and that is where my parents found Jesus.

Many years later I was born to a young missionary couple in a small town on the west side of Kenya. I was born into a family very different from the ones that my parents grew up in, one of love, grace, patience, and kindness. For as long as I can remember my parents taught me about God’s neverending love and grace. When I was 6 years old, during a church service, I remember feeling very scared and convicted about my own sin. That night my mom sat down with my older sister and I and explained the gospel to us. There I prayed and asked God to forgive me of my sins and make me his child. One year later I was baptized in front of a few hundred of my Kenyan brothers and sisters.

Growing up in Kenya was an amazing experience. I got to see firsthand God work through my parents to bring thousands of Kenyan people to himself. I saw God work miracles in the life of my family by always protecting and providing for us. I will never forget the faces of Kenya. The love and passion that those people have for our savior will be with me for a lifetime.

When I reached Jr. High my parents decided in order for me to get the best education that I could I needed to go to an American boarding school 3 hours away from the house. I had been on the waiting list for years and there was still not a place for me there. My mother told me to pack up my bags because tomorrow I was going to school. I informed her that I was still 3rd on the list to which she replied, “I know that God will give you a place there.” After arriving to the school we went up to the office and sure enough last minute a place in the dorms opened up.

The first couple of years were very hard on me, as I was only in 7th and 8th grade. I did not understand why I had to be away from my family 9 months out of the year. This is the first time I had to be responsible for my own faith. I learned a lot from our nightly dorm devotions and I grew some lasting friendships. In 11th grade I remember my roommate telling me her struggles with Christianity and all her reasons on why she would not become a Christian. Talking to her about her faith struggles strengthened mine. One night during a church service we were both convicted. She accepted Christ as her savior while I committed to attend Bible College and allow God to use me in his ministry.

College brought on a whole new set of struggles. I was in a culture I was very unfamiliar with, and it was my time to grow my own faith instead of it constantly being prodded and brought before me by others. During my freshman year I slowly became lazy and started skipping church. I allowed myself to get angry with God over the fact that my family was 10,000 miles away. I felt alone and abandoned. My parents returned to the states during my sophomore year of college and they continued to nudge me toward church and talked to me about my relationship with God. There were times that I felt very annoyed by all their constant talk of God and church as I had allowed myself to grow bitter toward them and their ministry in Kenya. Eventually came to a point where I started enjoying going to church instead of just going to please my family.

Right before my senior year I got married and we quickly started a family. This was when God took hold of my heart and my faith and relationship with him started growing very quickly. However, right after my son was born I struggled with depression. My husband was in seminary and working 2 jobs to try to support us. Again I felt alone and abandoned but this time I turned to God. He and he alone helped me through that year as I struggled with suicidal thoughts and considered running away from my husband and newborn son.

God brought a lot of healing into my life, and over the past 5 years has brought me to a place of understanding for all the things that I never understood. Growing up I never knew my parents past as they never talked about it. They both left it at the cross when they found Jesus and they never looked back. Recently I was able to get my mother to share her story with me and this gave me a greater understanding of why they have sacrificed so much to be in Kenya. At one time I was bitter and angry that they were not around, and I felt second to their ministry. Now I admire them as great pillars of faith full of compassion for the poor, hurting and lost. They too were lost and God saved them from a life that I could never imagine. By God’s grace he allowed me to be born into a family of faith instead of a family of chaos. God’s plan for me started long before I was born. He knew me and set me apart as one of his children. I am humbled by God’s great sovereign grace. "